It’s been a while since I wrote last. There are gaps. To fill those gaps, I only have some mere realizations, hollow voices that come creaking through my skull. As I write, I remember all that I have felt these past few days. Maybe longer, I just can’t tell sometimes.
I’m done making people stay ’cause in the end they all come and go whenever it pleases them. Human, quite human. I wanted to hold them back, all of them, all those I met, to never let them move away from me in time. And I did all I could. But as I lay around thinking, starring blankly, I felt that I just couldn’t fight this tide. I could try to hold on to myself tight, placing my feet firmly on the sand, and I did. Eventually I just noticed that my footprints just faded. No matter how hard I tried. Why is it that whenever I want them to stay, it becomes so easy to build an exit? I am tired of all the people I have cared for. All of them. And it resonates, this question.
There are bigger things coming my way, splendid ones, in 2017, and the only thing I have to say as I embrace the year, the new life is that I no longer wish to hold on to people. There are things more meaningful than loving and trying to hold pieces of everyone so that you don’t break. I am looking for that. I’m looking for that.