“These will all be stories someday and our pictures will become old photographs and we will all become someone’s mom or dad someday but right now, these moments are not stories,this is happening. I am here………I can see it. This one moment when you know you are not a sad story,you are alive, and you stand up and see the lights on the buildings and everything that makes you wonder and you’re listening to that song on that drive with the people you love most in the world, and in this moment, I swear, we are infinite!”
This year has been strange. Tiring, no doubt but also full of moments when I felt alive.When I felt loved. Mostly by those people who, I know are to stay in my life for just a little while. It’s strange how sometimes you just know who is to stay in your life and in a way sad too.
This year I met the wild ones, the bright ones, the few who if I may say so simply, make you want to go to school. Haha. The ones you look forward to meet as you wake up. We often delve in our hearts and souls and cry out loud and wish that people stay. What if they stayed… And we forget to live in the moment. We forget what we are in the moment, we forget who is with us in the moment, we forget to remember we are young, we forget that all we will ever have is today, we forget to look for that place where tomorrow isn’t. We just don’t see the beauty in those who are to stay for a little while. This is what I learnt. To live with those who are to say goodbye when we’ve reached the end of the road. To laugh and dance and sing and make memories with those who’ll fade away sooner or later. And I’m glad I did. I am glad I met these people. I am glad I found friendship in those I never cared for before.
This is I guess my ode to my “Dirty Talk Bestie”, to my “Partner in Fangirling”, to my “Laugh like a Retarded Seal Competitor ” and all those who were there…..
Isn’t it bone chilling that mere words that hold lives of strangers in themselves have so much potential to weave us with those between the pages?
Only yesterday, I complete reading Atonement by Ian Mcewan and even though Robbie and Cecilia and Briony lived in a different time when I wasn’t even born, I felt somewhere all our lives were woven together. I read miserably as I found pieces of myself in the torn lives of Robbie and Cecilia and somewhere like Briony all I was left with was guilt and atonement. It’s strange. How can one possibly feel so intensely for someone who doesn’t exist? How could my life which ran parallel to the ones in the story suddenly intersect with theirs? Somewhere I am Cecilia writing down to Robbie, being his hope and whispering I’ll wait for you. Come back. Come back to me. Somewhere, perhaps in a different dimension, I am Robbie keeping Cee’s letter near my heart and thinking I am her reason for life. And she mine. And somewhere I meet Briony. And I feel hollow and bitter and wait for someone, something, anything that works as a sedative.
Ian Mcewan just ruined my life all over again.
I came across this quote by Alan Watts and I knew I just had to share the magic of it with you. He says-“The meaning of life is just to be alive.It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves.”
Now, isn’t this sheer beauty, the way this man just put into words what we all struggle to say out loud sometimes? I sometimes wonder, why is it so that we need to hear things we want to say so desperately from someone else? Why do we believe the words coming out of an alien voice? I guess that’s just one of the things that make us who we are. Human.
So as for the reminder:Be alive. And that does not mean you should be Patrick and live under a rock and just survive the world(though Patrick has much more fun than most people manage to have in their lifetime). I mean, feel the world. And know how much our existence matter not to the world but to us. Be alive and do what makes you happy. Do remarkable things for yourself, do things that give you a warm feeling and that warm feeling would keep you warm in your cold grave. That is what I mean.
“So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I’m still trying to figure out how that could be.”
-Perks of being a wallflower